Coach Letterman’s Preseason Top 10

After spending countless hours breaking down film, reviewing advanced stats, and praying, here’s my preseason Top 10:

10. Georgia Southern

Close enough to benefit from the aura of the SEC grind and Kirby’s greatness.

9. Ohio State

Urban Meyer was an unapologetic liar and cheater. I respected that. Ryan Day will undoubtedly ruin this program, but it’ll take some time.

8. Tennessee

Jeremy Pruitt got hammered and tried to fight Mark Richt, something I considered doing multiple times during the late Richt era. Old Jeremy and I have had our differences over the years, but I admire the intensity.

With wisdom gained from reading Determined Look: Life Lessons of a Youth Football Coaching, Lane Kiffin will take the FAU Owls to unprecedented heights.

7. Florida Atlantic

Lane Kiffin follows me on Twitter. I sent him a copy of my book last fall, and now that he’s had almost a year to digest its lessons, I expect the Owls to make a run at the playoffs.

6. Auburn

Gus Malzahn is a gigantic loser who definitely financed his waterbed, but I’ve always begrudgingly admired Auburn’s commitment to violating every rule in sight. That will continue this year, and they’ll be in the top 10.

5. Army

They won 10 games last fall. If you don’t have them in your top 10, you should be arrested for treason and deported to Paris.

4. Missouri

I really don’t know anything about them this year, but they’re in the SEC.

3. LSU

Ed Orgeron is completely illiterate. He truly embraces my mantra: “An hour in the weight room is more valuable than a lifetime in the classroom.” I expect big things from him this year.

2. Alabama

Fuckers.

1. Georgia

Absent intervention from the anti-UGA deep state, Georgia will win the national title and go down as the greatest college football team in the modern era.

Now, five teams who are most definitely not in my top 10:

5. Florida

LOL Dan Mullen.

4. Oklahoma

Lincoln Riley blocked me on Twitter and is afraid to scrimmage my youth football team. Would go 7-5 in the SEC because their defense is so bad.

3. Texas

Cheated their way to a victory in the Sugar Bowl. Reality sets in this year. 6-6 at best in the SEC.

2. Michigan

The opposite of Ed Orgeron. They truly believe that academics are important. Also, Jim Harbaugh does not have unlimited laser printing privileges like I do and has probably never even seen a Suit of Armor. 5-7 in the SEC.

1. Clemson

9-3 team at best in the SEC. Benefitted last year from a pathetic schedule and the anti-SEC Deep State handing them the national title game. I deeply respect their PED usage, but cannot in good conscience put them in my Top 10.