I am a Youth Football Coaching Legend
In an era where we are increasingly told that the purpose of youth sports is to "build self-esteem," "teach teamwork," or "to let the kids have fun," I am part of the vanguard that still values winning above all else. I know about winning, because I've been doing it my entire life. And you don't just have to take my word for it - the proof is emblazoned on the ring I wear for the high school football region championship (3-way tie) we won senior year, as well as the three stripes on the letter jacket I still proudly wear some 20 years later.
I impart these successes on the next generation by coaching a youth football juggernaut. My best friend from high school serves as my defensive coordinator (you’ll see me refer to him as “my DC”) and the team’s emotional leader. He was a wrecking ball of a middle linebacker in high school. He dropped out of school after getting (wrongly) passed over for defensive player of the year. He is a proud employee of Sonic and drives a white Chrysler LeBaron convertible. He reads at a seventh grade level, but is a defensive mastermind.
But my successes are not limited to the football field. As the supervisor for a home entertainment installation crew, I rake in $29.35/hr plus bennies and a free cell phone. This allows me to live in an apartment complex with a pool, computer lab, and passcode-protected security gate. I also project an image of success. It is rare to find me not wearing a pair of freshly-pressed black jeans, wraparound Oakley sunglasses (even indoors), 7-8 pumps of Tim McGraw Southern Blend cologne, and, of course, a determined look on my face. I spend thousands of dollars a year at Beef O'Brady's, where I watch most major sporting events with my DC while consuming Miller Lite, Fireball shots, and steak nachos.
I am a die-hard UGA football fan. While I did not attend school there (dropped out of Perimeter after three semesters when I realized college was a Ponzi scheme), no fan does more for the team’s success. I break down film of each game and tweet recommendations at the coaching staff and players. I have no qualms about barking at you, your children, or your aging grandparents if I see you wearing another school’s colors. I also pull out all the stops when it comes to recruiting, tweeting at or sending Facebook messages to recruits, their family members, or their friends. Some call it over the top - I call it being "all in."