The Hugh Freeze Chronicles

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This one isn’t technically a tombstone, because Hugh Freeze did not block me. Nevertheless, it is worth chronicling my exchange with the former Ole Miss coach. 

Who is Hugh Freeze? 

Former Ole Miss and Arkansas State head coach; Profiled in “The Blind Side” as Michael Oher’s high school coach; Alleged user of school-provided cell phone to call escort services; Wants us to believe Jesus is the reason he miraculously convinced a bunch of highly-ranked recruits to go to Ole Miss. 

What did you do to offend Hugh? 

Said that hoping the Cleveland Browns would not screw up their first round draft pick was tantamount to expecting Hugh Freeze not to violate NCAA rules.

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This evidently got Hugh’s attention, because a short time later, I was treated to the following direct message in my Twitter inbox: 

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Since I had Hugh on the line, there was no way I was going to let a question I’ve had for five years go unasked:

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At this point, I decided not to press him further for an answer on Tunsil, because it seemed he was on the verge of inviting me to attend a men’s bible study. 

 

Twitter Tombstones - Mario Verduzco

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Who is Mario Verduzco?

Quarterbacks Coach for the University of Nebraska; not particularly adept at navigating Twitter’s direct messaging feature.

What did you do to upset Mario Verduzco?

This story is a little more involved than other Twitter Tombstones. As best I can tell, the chain of events leading to Coach Verduzco blocking me began with a polite suggestion that I tweeted at Nebraska’s head coach, Scott Frost:

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From there, things started to get a little strange. About an hour later, I received the following direct message from Coach Verduzco, which appears to have been intended for a “Nick” whom Coach Verduzco noticed follows me on Twitter:

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Hmmm. Naturally, I had to assume that Scott Frost had learned that I am an established youth football coaching legend and instructed Coach Verduzco to look into bringing me onto the staff. In other words, I thought Scott Frost might be serious about returning Nebraska to the Tom Osborne glory days. I’m not one to beat around the bush, so I immediately responded to Coach Verduzco and outlined my very fair terms for joining the staff:

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By any objective measure, these are very generous terms. $40/hr is an absolute bargain for any P5 assistant coach, let alone one with my coaching pedigree and documented history of success. Furthermore, my demand that I be allowed to bring along my youth football coaching staff is actually to Nebraska’s benefit much more than my own. Can you imagine my youth football team’s DC commandeering the Blackshirts? Or the intensity of Barb the Bowling Alley Manager’s offseason workout program? Or the recruits my offensive assistant who is in probation for selling counterfeit Oakleys could bring in? Nebraska was, for a brief second in time, on the cusp of a return to greatness and a likely trip to the College Football Playoff this fall.

Alas, it was not to be.

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