Question: Did you and your DC raise enough money to get down to Jacksonville for the UGA? If so, how do you plan on using the money?

I am typing out this response with one hand while using my other to drive my aunt’s Corrolla down to Brunswick, so the short answer is yes, we succeeded. My DC was three sheets to the wind practically from the moment he woke up. We were able to raise a little over $800 by pawning my DC’s girlfriend’s son’s things, including his dirt bike, baseball cards, and Xbox. He’ll get over it. My DC also went and took out a $300 payday loan on his next paycheck from Sonic, so we’re practically swimming in money for this trip.  

As far as budgeting, we are staying at the LaQuinta in Brunswick, and we’ve got money set aside for food and drink - definitely plan to hit up Golden Corral, the Hooters at the Landing, and perhaps make a side trip to the Beef O’Brady’s at Amelia Island. We’ve already got a trunk full of Miller Lite and Fireball, and we also spent about $60 on Roman Candles and Black Cats that we’ll be setting off at midnight at the LaQuinta pool. We also have $200 in singles, as we plan to visit at least one of the finer gentlemen’s club establishments in the greater Brunswick area.  

I’ve already had one confrontation with a Gator fan this morning. We went to Hardee’s for breakfast before heading out, and I parked the Corrolla to block in this elderly Gator fan. She complained to management, and they threatened to have the car towed. So we just barked at her, told her that hip replacement surgery would be more pleasant than tomorrow’s game, and got the hell out of there. I’m sure this won’t be the last one. 

A state patrolman is now following me, so I better hit post and put my phone down, lest I get yet another texting and driving ticket. You can keep up with all of these developments, as well as my list of incontrovertible facts about Gator fans, by following me on Twitter - @3YearLetterman.