December 9, 2015: I Get Ejected From a High School Basketball Game

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My high school ought to be ashamed of how they treat former multi-year lettermen. I'm normally not much of a basketball guy, but my high school was playing its rival last night, so I decided to stop by. The student section is situated directly behind the team’s bench, so I was only a row or two up from the players and the coach. The coach was a grade above me in high school and was one of those losers who rode the pine in basketball and only got a letter jacket because they give them to all seniors. He would also get upset with me and my DC during pick-up games for playing “overly aggressive” defense. We've also had some testy exchanges on each other's Facebook walls over the last few years, so there's some history there.

I should have known when they were announcing the starting lineups that it was going to be a difficult night. Every time they would announce a player for the other team, I would do my signature clap-clap-clap-clap-clap OVER-RATED! chant. The students I was sitting beside all thought it was great, but our head coach and the principal asked me to “show some class” and stop. The most disturbing part is that the principal had a clear view of the three stripes on my letter jacket and decided to treat a distinguished like that anyway.

Once the game started, it was clear that the refs were being way too loose with the rules and were allowing players to camp out in the lane.  Whenever I would see an opposing player enter the lane, I started loudly yelling “One! Two! Three!” into the plastic megaphone they gave me when I arrived. The coach told me I was “distracting the players” and asked me to stop.

By that point the game was starting to get away from us, and I was noticing serious defects in our players’ fundamentals. So I decided to take matters into my own hands.  During a timeout while the coach was over at the scorer’s table, I went down to the court and starting giving the players instructions and a physical demonstration on how to take a proper charge.  The coach got really pissed when he saw that and called the security guard over.  The security guard told me I could either move sections or leave, so I decided just to get the hell out of there and get an early start on the post-game field party.  On my way out, I made sure to direct the coach’s attention to my region championship ring (3-way tie) and let him know that if his players don’t learn how to take a charge, he’ll never get one.